Nowhere to Run..

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http://hunny08yani.blog.friendster.com/
Published last June 9, 2008

I am sad… I feel dejected, desolate… I am blue…down hearted…., one word with so many meanings, but all of the same feelings… Why do we cry after laughing out loud?Why do we need to be happy, if we are going to be sad afterwards? Why can’t we just be happy and stay that way forever? Why does life seems to be unfair? Or is it just me who is just thinking that way? Yeah right! Maybe I am just thinking that way,, I do have a happy family, a very happy family, I came from a clan who loves gatherings, pot lucks, and everything to that effect… a very supportive clan, from either side of my parents..I don’t have any problem with friends, money, & relatives…What more can I ask for? I am complete! Right?!

AM I? How about you? Do you think I’m complete?

When I was just a little girl, if my memory serves me right, I can still remember that a slice of a goldilocks cake, a cup of magnolia or nestle ice cream, a chips named chickadees(not in the market now), would already make me happy… different toy guns from my dad (wrapped on a newspaper), who wanted me to be a police, a set of doctors instruments from my mom brand new from the palengke(market) , clays with animal molders from my sis, bought from the ever famous ABC shop, (owned by our neighbor situated beside our elementary school)..Would make me complete… simple things, yet for me are priceless, so precious and incomparable…coz they are from my family…

Simple things yet make me happy…

But now as I grew older I realized many things, and I can see that life is getting complicated as the day goes by… From the not so known to branded clothes, from silver to gold, from advan to adidas, from beach walk to havainas, from Johnson’s baby cologne to dolce & gabbana, Christian Dior and many more… From simple to fabulous things… yet I am not contented.. I want more… As I grew older I’ve encountered many things that showed me what life really is, how complicated and frivolous it may seem and on how I can managed to survived this doggie-dog world…

How am I going to describe life? Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh well… “life is like a box of chocolate ,you’ll never know what you’ll gonna get next”,, haha excerpt from my favorite movie Forrest Gump,, well for me , life is like a white ball with rainbow colored dots, showing the happy moments I had and still experiencing , with some black specks that shows the problem and trials I’ve gone through and still experiencing, with water inside that are ready to spill out whenever I experience pain, sadness…ahh, that’s life… Now I am already 23 years old, i’ve got a good job, good friends and as what I’ve said earlier I’ve almost got everything…But hey, I didn’t realized that after graduating from college life would be like these complicated, that we can’t just be pleased and stop crying on just a cup of ice cream… I’ve got a good job, good work, but I am not happy… I’ve learned that we really can not please everybody… and it’s quite bad for me… There’s this office mate of mine who is already past 50 years old, it just seems that he really doesn’t like me, that for him everything that I do is wrong, one day we had a big fight, he told me that I am pending my work, which was not true, we ended up shouting at each other the next day and until now we are not talking at each other, I do not apologized to people whom I know I didn’t annoy or exasperate at my own will… But until now, he still keeps on telling people lies that would make me look bad for other people… haaaay, that’s why I am not happy.. I don’t want to have problem with other people but it just started..

What can I do.. I am just a simple person with lots of dreams, I love reading books, watching movies, going to the mall, hanging out with friends… simple pleasures will do… I love giving advices, and hearing other peoples problem and stories… Love .. love ;;; love

Oh love? Uhmmm.. I am a bit overtaken by the word love: love is a feeling of passionate affection or personal attachment with another person right? Hay, I am afraid to fall in love again, I don’t know why, maybe because I still love him…or maybe because I’m afraid to get hurt again? Why do we need to get hurt when we fall in love? Why can’t we just stay in love forever? And live with a happy ending? Why cant’ we just realized that the person courting us is not the right person for us, that in time he will just make me cry? Or is it just that I just still don’t know how a good relationship would work? Why does when it comes to love, all of my systems are being affected? I can’t eat, I cry, I don’t know when would my tear glands stops.. my hearts beats really fasts.. what’s wrong with me? All I know was that when he told me ho love me , I said I love him too..i just want him to be happy, us to be happy , … I followed everything he says to avoid misunderstandings, he is so sweet, intelligent, witty and like me he is just a simple guy.. he loves to eat, on a cozy restaurant, on fast food chains, at a carinderia, sa ihawan sa kanto then to a nearby bakery… were happy, so happy , then one day … I felt that there’s something wrong, the daily txt messages was lessened, the talks on the phone was lessened, all the dates were cancelled and when we’re together? It seems that the glow in his eyes are gone, until one day, he told me that I don’t deserve him, that there are much better guys than him… I said no because I loved him so much, Why can’t I have him, yet I’ve accepted everything in him? … Why is life so cruel? Until now I’m still waiting.. I don’t know how to move on, yet I know he is happy already…. I don’t know where to run.. I don’t know what to do.. all I know is that I still love him.. what will I do.. Why does life need to be this way… Can you tell me what happiness is? Can you show me how to be happy again? Why can’t we be happy and stay that way forever? Why? …